Guys, this a letter that I wrote to my wife some time ago. It doesn’t read much like a typical love letter but it truly generated from there. Far too often the ladies in our lives long to know what’s in our heart and just want to hear that they alone – are enough.
Read on and you will see what I mean….and don’t forget to find a quiet intimate moment and tell her – she always was and will always be – enough.
I read a book, “Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul” by John and Stasi Eldredge, just the other day about what some women go through internally. I really connected with what it said and want to share with you my version of how I feel towards you.
Continue reading More Than Enough & Not Too Much
Dear Heavenly Father,
I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. My entire life there is no one that I dislike, am angry with or dare say hate enough to wish this on. When I am not dragging myself out of the bed from the exhaustion of depression I am fighting that electrified feeling of the adrenaline surging through my entire body: every cell! My chest hurts, is there an elephant sitting on me? My heart hurts. No, not like that, it actually aches. Internally I am a wreck; the emotional carnage is devastating, a real bloodbath.
Oh the fear and uncertainty. What about my true love, what about my love for her, what about our daughters, our future? I am scared Father. The pain compounds the paranoia. My instinct tells me to analyze it, break it down into a bento box and fix it. Learn from it, repair it, get away from it, and never cross its path again. But I can’t. It makes no sense, it isn’t logical or analytical – it’s emotional and it is uncontrollable. I am powerless and it is in that revelation that I turn to you Father. You are in control. Teach me to seek you, to find you and embrace you. Embrace me – hug me, love me. Take this cup from me and if it is not to be and it is the cup I am to bear, send the Holy Spirit to comfort me; to counsel me. I submit. It’s your will, your way and your timing.
Continue reading Thank You God for Separation
A friend had his ex-wife call me the other day so that she and I could talk. My task was to help her better see his perspective of an issue they were discussing. During the conversation she started to get emotional and I asked her what was wrong. She started to choke up and told me that she felt that every time that she and my friend had a discussion and she was “winning” that he would verbally lash out at her. Through the ensuing sobbing I heard her say; when you get told that you are a “stupid whore” enough times for long enough, I guess you just start to believe it. I guess I am just a “stupid whore.” Really I asked her; he calls you that? All of the time she responded; he tells me it’s my fault.
I was appalled. How could any respectable man speak to a woman that way? She is feisty, independent and stands her own ground but really; a stupid whore? She is far from either. She’s a business owner and a great mom. She works fifty hours a week and spends the remainder of the time as a single mom – hardly a “clubber”. Continue reading If Only She Could Hear Me (full version)
THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO TELL MY WIFE
(IF ONLY I HADN’T HURT HER SO BAD THAT SHE CAN’T HEAR ME ANYMORE.)
- You are not crazy. All those times I twisted your words, engaged you in arguments that you couldn’t possibly win and turned from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde; I was just a jerk. In a foolish attempt to control the conversation and you I resorted to co-dependant and manipulative behavior. You have a voice and I want to hear it. It even went as far as making you decide between friends and members of your family and me – now I understand why you said you felt like I was isolating you from them. It was a terrible habit and one I have learned to break. No one should ever treat anyone this way. I was wrong.
- It had nothing to do with you. Anytime I made you feel like it was your fault or that I flat out blamed you – it wasn’t. Ever. The issues that I need to address within me are mine and not yours. They weren’t created by you and they aren’t about you. They are mine. We really didn’t have marital problems; you just married a person with his own problems that he drug into the marriage. Sometimes the battles we struggle with inside emerge in our behavior on the outside. I need grace.
- There was nothing you could do to fix it. You are trooper, a fighter and compassionate beyond this world. For all the years that you hung in there because you believed in me, even though I failed you, I am eternally grateful. The painful fact that you had to do what you had to do to get me to see it for myself has been not just life changing it has emerged as soul saving to me and the many others that I have reached. Thank you!
- You were all I ever needed and more. I know that my behavior had you feeling like you were never enough but you always were and more. I was not only calloused but foolish to have never expressed that to you whether in my actions or just telling you. Even worse, all of the times that I made comments, jokes, gestures or implications that anything, and I do mean a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g, that you did was inadequate, not good enough or anything else was uncalled for and an immature way to pump up my own feeble ego to feel better. This includes your driving, cleaning, cooking, your memory, mothering, as a wife, sex & more. I regret beyond explanation my stupidity.
- I am in this for the long haul (and that means forever). I know that I have made a lot of mistakes. I am sure at times you had your doubts about my commitment to you. When I was angry or hurt or just being spoiled I would emotionally pull back from you. I was wrong and I apologize. Through the good times and not throwing in the towel but recommitting to be a better husband during the difficult times – I’m in this. The wedding band on my finger will be the only one and will be there until the day I physically leave this world. This has evolved beyond you, or you and me to who I am, and what kind of man I want to become. I lay down my pride and pick up the cross that I am to bear – whatever that may be. No more me.
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Thank you and God bless you on your journey.
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